And so you think I wasn’t…

…disappointed?
Came online, wanting to share with you the crazy things I did today.
Just happened to chance upon your blog..
Writing those stuff.
When I read it, I don’t know who you are writing for.
I just find it very coincidental.
It’s the exact same thing you told me in the sms.
Yes you might say its for someone else, yourself.
But who knows? Only you right, cos you were the one writing anw.

And about me not talking to you.
Sometimes when I talk to you..
Do you even share with me?
Don’t say I never tried prying..
But sometimes, you don’t share.
Like I say, probably TY, Jasp and Little Wu know more than I do.
Not that it matters.
You have a choice of who you want to talk to about things anyway.
Just that, as a best friend, its kinda disappointing when sometimes, people ask you..
“Did Jing ask you…?” and “Did Jing tell you…?”
And your answer is…
“Nope, she didn’t.”
And the former is a good friend/brother? IDK, the latter, a best friend.

I never thought of myself as someone mature.
I do have my own thoughts, and I am not shy to show it when I need to.
At least I have the courage to do so, instead of hiding in my own shell.
I did think of you as someone mature, and when I share my thoughts with you.
I was hoping you’d understand where I was coming from.
But I guess you didnt, but its okay.
I didn’t harp on it right after.
Didn’t wanna reply cos I was thinking about every single word you said.
And yes, I agreed. Not totally, but partly.
And I said that very same things to the other person, and told her if she continues treating my aunt this way, she will regret it one day as well.
And I guess it all made sense to her.
I am thankful to you and your sms.

But suddenly that aside, I am just wondering.
Who I truly am, and what kind of things I am looking for in life.
Someone else just left a comment in that post earlier…
Said the same thing too.
And I think, it could really just be me.
Giving people the bad vibes all along.
I guess, I probably need more time than I ever thought to think it through.

Suddenly, it feels best for me to just hide somewhere for a moment.
To distance myself from everyone.
Just be alone.
Even the closest two people seem to think I am not who I thought I was to be.
I need to look for myself.
The supposed me, suddenly isn’t.
And stop being the happy person that chirps in the group to be a clown.
To make everyone happy, and try to make them socialise more with one another.
And you know, after that day, I was thinking, should I just shut up and be quiet.

Cos apparently, some people thought that they were bringing their “daughter” out when we met up with Jackson for sushi.
As quoted word-by-word from them.
You probably think I didn’t hear, but I did.
I remember I told Alison before, I might look vv blur, but actually, I observe alot.
I know who can be my true best friends, and who can probably never be ever in my life.
Good friends maybe, but never best friends.
And nope, I am not talking about the same person as above.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I have to care about why some who sometimes dont even try to involve YG and Jackie, and sometimes, even Shishi and Justin?
Yes, I am blatantly honest. But that’s exactly how I feel.

Well, I guess it has come to a time where I should blog about exactly how I feel about everything.
Just that, I didn’t expect it to be so soon.

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